I had not planned for it to happen, but it finally did. The story of my abortion came up in a conversation today with my mother. Nearly one year after I made the decision to have a medical abortion. She expressed some sadness, saying that she wished that I had kept the child. I told her that I am firm in my belief that there’s nothing wrong with choosing to abort a pregnancy. And that I have no regrets. She then expressed concerns about future fertility, and I had to tell her there’s no evidence for that. Finally, she admitted that she had accompanied a friend to get an abortion back when she was in high school and, for some unknown reason, developed a fear of abortion.

There was no hesitation about what I wanted to do when I first discovered I was pregnant. My partner was supportive and told me he would respect my decision, no matter what it was. We both want children in the future, but I was not prepared for it then. And I was pretty sure that he had not planned on becoming a dad so soon. I informed him that I wasn’t ready for a baby, and he said softly, “okay.” However, he paused for a moment and said, “I thought about how I’d feel if you had said that you wanted to keep it, and… I think I would have been ready.” I was instantly touched, feeling grateful that he’s my partner.

I was five weeks in, so I opted for a medical abortion. I had read some stories about this, and mentally prepared myself for some intense cramping after swallowing the pill. However, I was surprised to find that my experience was pretty positive. I barely had any cramps. But most of all, I felt relieved. And thankful. Thankful to be living in a country where medical abortion is legal.

It would be a lie to say that I haven’t wondered how our child would look like if I had not gone through with the abortion, but I don’t regret my decision. I am in a happy relationship with my partner. Still, I wish I have the courage to voluntarily inform the people in my life about it. I’m not ashamed to admit that I had an abortion if asked about it. But to volunteer this piece of information to people close to me… I guess deep down, I’m scared of being negatively judged for it. At the same time, I recognise that not talking about the topic is going to continue to drive the taboo. Maybe in time, I will learn to have the courage to talk about it.